I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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