My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
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I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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