On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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