Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
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There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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