so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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