All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize