Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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