She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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