Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize