Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize