You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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