Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
ok first of all what the fuck
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize