Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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