You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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