the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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