I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
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Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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