Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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