Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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