So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
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