he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
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At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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