you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A+ Viking dick
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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