apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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