Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
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well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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