he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
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He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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