just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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