Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
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Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
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the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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