paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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