Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize