He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
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Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize