He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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