I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize