Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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