Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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