I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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