WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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