I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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