it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize