i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I checked into jail on foursquare
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize