but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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