I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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