my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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