you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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