i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize