I just pynch a tree in the face
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize