We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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