If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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