we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
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Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
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He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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