it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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