naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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