he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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